The one year mark....

...sucks.

That's it, it sucks. Not for the lack of a better word, because that is totally the best word to describe the one year 'anniversary' of my Dad's death. Sucks.

So here we are, one year after I watched my Dad, my best friend, my hero - take his very last breath. He was amazing. Everything you could have ever wanted a father, grandfather, father in law, friend to be - he was.

I have cried at very random times over the last year, it makes me feel a little better but I know when I do it in the car, people must be looking at me like WTH!??! lol

It hurts, but like I have said, it's always going to hurt and I have accepted this. I have never asked why or said it wasn't fair because you know what? I believe God had his plan and it is what it is. There was a reason and who am I to question the plan? Again, it sucks but it wasn't my decision and I can live with that.

The last year has really flown by. I was 4 months pregnant with our 2nd child when my Dad died and a year later, I have a happy, healthy 7 month old little girl - who I know my Dad loved from the second he saw her ultrasound pictures. :) He was the first person I told and I will never forget how he cried. I wish I could have truly believed they were happy tears like he said, but just looking at him, he KNEW he wasn't going to be here. You could see it in his face. I know he fought as hard as he could, but before he died, I put his hand on my belly and said, I know you love this baby. :)

So, here's what I really want to say....

I miss...

• My Dad. Period.
• His laugh.
• His smile.
• Picking up the phone and hearing his voice.
• Being able to go and see him whenever we wanted.
• How Emilee's face would light up when she would hear him come through our garage door.
• How he would discipline Emilee like she was his own.
• How I could tell him anything and he never once judged me.
• How I could be completely honest with him. We never had secrets.
• How he loved Jason.
• How he told me he was proud of me almost on a daily basis.
• How he would get worried if we hadn't talked for 2 days.
• How, even when he was less then a week away from dying, was SO concerned because I twisted my ankle when I was pregnant.
• How he just knew me and things about me no one else knows.
• How accepting he was.
• Seeing him hug Emilee.
• Taking care of him.
• Him asking Emilee to get him a Boost. :)
• Hugging him.
• Baking and cooking for him.
• Him inviting us over just he could cook something on the grill for us.
• Bringing flowers over for Emilee when she was sick.
• Him babysitting Emilee. She would get away with murder!
• Sharing all of Emilee's accomplishments with him.
• Hearing him say 'I Love You.'
• Hearing him call Emilee his 'little bear.'
• Him getting Emilee's birthday cakes for her. It's just not the same when it doesn't come from Papa.
• Lecturing him about his smoking and Mountain Dew addiction.
• His voice. It was loud and gentle all at the same time.
• How he loved me. Unconditionally.
• HIM. Period.

I do get to hear him...my girls have build a bears with a recording he did for each of them. Even Paige, who wasn't born yet. When I press the button, she stops what she is doing and will just listen. I love it. Then there is Emilee. She tells me almost daily how much she misses Papa, but makes me smile because she likes to tell Paige all about him. Sweet girls I have, their Papa would be so proud of them!

So that is about it for today. I miss my Dad but I pray he is in a better place and that I WILL see him again. It's a hope I cling to every day and it gets me through.

Take care everyone!

Jaime

It's been awhile...

..but I am still here! :) Lucky for anyone who reads this right???

Not much has been new here...just been working and playing up north when the weekends come! While I LOVE the great outdoors, I am looking forward to staying home soon. I don't think my husband fully understands how much work it is!!! lol
So while there is not much new to report, I can say Paige had her 6mo. appointment the other day and is now 17lbs. 5oz (big sister was 18lbs. 3oz. at 6mo.) and 25 1/2 inches (big sister: 27 3/4). Emilee was quite a bit taller then Paige is at this point so I wonder if Paige will be as tall??? Either way, she's perfect and I love her. :) We didn't get called for our 5:45 pm appointment until 6:30pm and she was a trooper. Not one meltdown and it was even getting close to bedtime. She only cried for a bit after the shots and then back to herself...tired, but back to herself. I have to say this about my kids, while they DO have routines, they can vary from them and get right back into them and I am so proud of both of them for the level of patience they can show! Yep, proud momma alert!!! *wink*
So that's about it...wish I had something more exciting for you all at the moment but really, being a mommy is my full time job above everything so that is pretty much all I talk about!!
Wow..I need some ME time...LOL

Until next time......................................

Random thoughts....or not...

Ok, maybe not so random..I mean, they didn't just POP up in my head....lol
Why is it, at almost 31 years old, that people STILL bug the crap out of me???? I mean, do people just have no common sense? Do they really feel the need to act like children?? I just don't get it!
For the sake of getting a ton of people seriously irritated with me, I won't name names...but if you are reading this and FEEL like it might be about you, it probably is!!!! lol
I just don't get how rude some people can be...I am not saying that at 30, I know it all but I remember being younger and maybe being married at 21 and starting my 'life' per se, gave me a different perspective on things. I met Jay when I was 17, he would have married me right then and there had I said ok...I wanted to wait until I was 21. I got married 6 months after I turned 21, we bought our first house a couple years later, had our first child two years after that, bought our second house a couple years later and then had another baby a couple years after that! I just hate immaturity...no matter who it is coming from regardless of age but again, I can be the same way but then I remember I AM AN ADULT. Most people just need to keep repeating this to themselves over and over again and just MAYBE it will sink in...ACT LIKE ONE!!!
Ok, now this even sounds random but anyone who talks with me on a daily basis...you KNOW who I am talking about and if you don't, I am sure I will have no problem telling you!! :)

After pictures of our camper

Sorry, forgot to post these last weekend...it is looking GREAT! Jason did a wonderful job! :)

(ok, so the first picture isn't of the landscaping, but hey, they are just way too darn cute to NOT have a picture of first!!! lol)

Just a few quick recent pics...

...of my beautiful family!!! :)

Don't my babies just make you smile????? lol

Daddys and their Daughters

I was a Daddy's girl. Anyone who knows me, knows this. I was SO close with my Dad and we never went without seeing each other at least a few times a week and if they wasn't possible, we were on the phone with each other. My Dad has been gone for almost a year now and there are still days I will pick up a phone and start to hit the 7, which was his speed dial on my phone. You wouldn't believe how many times that has happened to me in the last year...or making invite lists to my kids' events, his name would still come up on that list. It sucks and next month, you can expect a page long blog about the year I have had without him..but that isn't really why I started to write this post.

I have the BEST husband ever. My two little girls have the best Daddy. Let me go back to the start of this year. I had Paige on December 30, 2008 and about a month before, had signed Emilee up for swimming classes that started a week after my due date, knowing full well I wouldn't be getting into a pool with her...in steps Jason. I thought it would be good for the two of them to have that time with just each other once a week for a couple months. I had an hour every Wednesday night with just Paige and Daddy & his first born got their time together. It was win-win. In the last few months, I have seen Jason and Emilee become so close, almost a bond I recognized, like what my Dad and I had. We go up north every weekend and he takes her out fishing every morning, just the two of them. He went up for 3 days to the camper and took Emilee with him. I love it. I can only hope that my girls have the type of Father/Daughter relationship I had with my Dad. I think that that is such an important role in a little girl's life and I am so blessed to have a husband who believes the same thing.

That brings me to Paige, our second daughter. Wow. That is all I can say. I totally remember Jason when we had Emilee and maybe it was because she was first and it was all new to us, but he was clueless, not that I expected him to just jump right into that role, when, like I said, it was all new to us. Now I see him with Paige and like I said, Wow. It's amazing how hands on he is with her. I see him tell his girls how much he loves them and how blessed he is to be their Daddy. Amazing. Any Father who takes the time to get to KNOW his daughters and gives of himself, his time, his attention, they are amazing men and have my utmost respect.

Like they say, anyone can be a Father. It takes someone special to be a Daddy! :)

Here are some pics of Jason and Emilee.... :)

Sorry Target!

So apparently it's a big joke about my time and money spent at Target. When I was on maternity leave for 4 months, I went there A LOT. Probably 3 times a week..it was sad but I like to think I was singlehandily keeping Target afloat. I guess I always needed something which, in my defense, with a newborn, MIGHT have been true! Since I have gone back to work, I MAYBE visit Target once a week...and when I do go, definitely not as much impulse shopping, which I suppose is good but guess what? There is a Super Wal-Mart near our resort in Brainerd. Crap. So, I have evidently gone from spending every last dime at Target to spending every last dime at the Super Wal-Mart which is way more dangerous because there is a grocery store in it...not to mention a nail salon! (Hello pedicures!!!) And just when I thought I was doing so well....

I was thinking...

that I am tired of repeating myself. No really, not just with my kids or my husband, just tired of saying the same things over and over to the same people over and over. I have no idea who will or won't read this blog and really, whatever. This is just a rambling from me. I will be 31 years old this year and feel that at least in the last 5, I have grown up A LOT. It irritates me to see people who are married, with kids (or even without!) acting like they have no clue what they should or shouldn't be doing. You would just think by a certain point in your life you would just figure it out and move on you know? This isn't directed at any one person in particular in case you might be getting a complex by reading this!!! ;) I guess, for the most part, I have just realized that I am stronger then I ever thought I could be and am tired of taking crap from people. If someone treats me like dirt, they are out. Plain and simple. If someone asks for my advice (and they even know me in the SLIGHTEST) they are going to get it, if you don't like it, then don't ask for it; and they probably won't like it because it's the truth. I don't know about any of you but life is too short to let people walk all over you. Ok, off the soapbox for now!

Our first blog!!!

Ok, so I have decided we need a blog...not really sure why but I guess it's the IN thing to do...so here we are! Everyone knows how much I love pictures, especially those of my kids so I guess you will see a bunch of those here too...like this one taken before church this week...

Ok, so other then my beautiful children, our lives now revolve around our resort up north. We have a great spot up in Brainerd and we are working hard to make it our own because we know we will be back year after year!! Our first project was getting the camper moved up to one of the new spots the resort had created. We have a GREAT spot in the woods with no one around us. Now we are working on the landscaping and first up, the patio. Here is the before picture of the front of the camper under the awning...

and here is part of the patio done...I think this is about 1/3 done...

This weekend Jay will be working to finish the rest of the patio and then we will start laying sod which I hope is going to be a better (and faster!) option then putting seed down!!!
That's about it for now...how boring but hey, now I feel cool..LOL